Updated: Feb 10
I heard recently that a person who doesn't care about what others think of them has confidence. And while at first I thought this person was wrong and came off as arrogant, but I paused. What could I accomplish if I wasn't afraid of others' judgments? As someone who suffers quite severely from social anxiety, the fear of others' judgments of my awkward missteps is something that is apparently deeply ingrained in my brain’s makeup as breathing is. I have always been this way to some degree throughout my life. So what would I accomplish if I didn't have this anxiety, this fear? Well, dear reader, this is something that I guess we find out together.
I am personally working on being my true authentic self at all times. My imperfect, weird, loud, sassy, and trying to be kind self. I am not perfect, I have moments of road rage, judgemental thoghts, unkind words, a Dr. Pepper addiction and have been know to utter a salior’s language, to name a few. However, I am who I am. I love who I am, imperfections and all. Just like I mentioned in my last post, we are not perfect people, and although we can change, it takes time. And we shouldn't want to change everything about ourselves either.
If I can love myself, and accept who I am, then why would I let other people’s judgments of who they think I am, change how I feel and view my worth? I been hearing a lot lately that how someone views me is none of my business. And I think I am starting to understand that saying. We truly never understand another person. I mean I don't think we always understand ourselves. People are a messy, complicated business. There are always misunderstandings, harsh words, hurt feelings, fights, egos, alternative motives, just to name a few issues. So what does all this mean when it comes to having self confidence in who we are? In how we behave? I believe it helps us act in a genuine way when we are used with difficult situations. It allows us to accept the consequences, both good and bad, and to change what we feel we should. Now dear reader I do want to insert a plea, I hope that we allow the seeds of kindness grow in our hearts. It is easier to be mean, and harder to act in kindness, but with working on our self-confidence, I hope kindness not for worldly accolades but to shape our souls is a goal. This world is full of hate and evil, our kindness can only help tilt the balance. I don't believe that being mindful of others feelings, and acting in a way that is mindful of others is disingenuous, as long as we don't lose sight of ourselves. We can be kind to others when we set boundaries when we don't allow ourselves to be disrespected. We can be helpful and provide service while also ensuring that we are taking care of ourself and our responsibilities. It isn't a black or white way of thinking. And I hope as we moving forward in our journey that we remember kindness for ourselves and others is always the best choice.
So let's get back to talking about self-confidence. We all have strengths, and I think that is a place we can start gaining self confidence. I hope you have been able to make a list of your strengths, even if there is only one thing on it. Because we are going to focus on it, and we are going to grow our belief that we are good at said strength. So if you have a strength that you know you just absolutely rock at it, then move on down the list till that knowledge starts feelings a little shakey. That's where we want to start. My strength that I am working on is my talent for making things, specifically in this case, wreaths. I love to make them, it brings me joy seeing what I can create. I have been able to make some for others, and have even been able to sell a few. So it definitely belongs on the strength list, but I feel the self confidence shake a little when it comes to trying to make actual money, maybe even a living selling my creations. Why? Well because I see the imperfections and I have caught myself comparing my creations to those who do sell them for a living and feel like I don't always measure up. So what have I done or what am I doing to gain self confidence? Two things, one I am spending way less time looking at and focusing on what other people are making. I still look and admire, for there are truly talented people out there. The moment however that I start to hear the voice in my head say I'm not as good I stop, I close the webpage and I focus my attention elsewhere. Second, I believe the compliments I receive. I feel the vast majority of people on this planet are not out to deceive, so when someone says the enjoy something or find something I have done wonderful, I listen and believe. Doing so will also allow the honest voices to drown out those who may want to decive, and it will free you mind of the worry if someone is honest. We all know who in our lives aren't honest already, but we don't need to project that distrust on anyone else.
So now let's start with you writing down what you feel is stopping you from feeling confident, and that will hopefully help you understand what steps you can take to work through those insecurities. Work backwards, for example: if I want to feel good about the compliments I receive, what do I need to do that? Believe those that give it to me. Okay, why don't I believe those people? Well they can't really mean that this wreath is great. Why would they want to lie? Why would they take the time out of their day to lie to me? Well I don't believe these people would lie, and even if they were just trying to be nice, I wasn't asking them for their opinion and they offered it freely. Talk through your thoughts, talk through why you may feel that way and try to through in some logic and truth. I want you to work out all of the negative thoughts with logic and love. Negativity hates those things. My goal is to help you as you walk through life, live your best life, and find true and everlasting joy. As we work on gaining confidence in our strengths, accepting who we truly are, and letting go of the worry about other people’s opinions we can start to walk more upright, and pursue our dreams; accomplishing true greatness. I hope we can work on freeing ourselves from the bondage of other people’s opinions about who we are and what we are trying to accomplish. And gain that confidence in who we are. For you are beautifully and wonderfully made weaknesses and all.
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